Everything Else

Beyond Twitter

There’s no doubt about it: Twitter is the flavor of the month. Yet, it’ll surely be superseded by the next fad.

As soon as everyone is ‘following’ everyone else, Twitter will cancel itself out and disappear up its own tweet portal.

Many clients have asked me what the next big thing will be after Twitter. Below are my top 13 hit picks for the future. They’re listed in random order, along with their defining characteristics.

Fritter

You’re given 140 words, which you may use only singly and once. As soon as you’re out of words, your account is closed.

Rotter

Messages must reveal other people’s secrets.

Nutter

Messages must be of questionable veracity.

Hatter

Messages must be patently insane.

Mutter

Messages must be written in Brush Script MT or some other indecipherable (and ideally unavailable) font. Nothing bigger than 8 points.

Frotter

Messages must be tapped out in Morse code on the thighs and buttocks of fellow train travelers.

Quitter

A system so useless, unfriendly, and flawed that it has a 100% opt-out rate.

Natter

A local network for users with contiguous properties separated by fences. Messages must concern kids, recipes, or water restrictions.

Blather

Messages must exceed 14,000 characters.

Blurter

Messages must contain more information than you wish to reveal (and others wish to know). Best used when intoxicated.

Rooter

Answer the question: ‘Who are you doing?’

Potter

Messages may be typed, a few characters at a time, over several weeks. To be sent when one feels like it. Or not.

Letter

Transcribe as many characters as you like onto one or more pieces of paper and ‘mail’ it to your desired recipient. #

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